Nobody is perfect.
I know I am far from perfect. And I do not expect anyone else to be perfect either. I will be the first to tell you that we all have some sort of issues, whether it be from our past experiences that has left a never ending carbon footprint on our life, or just life itself catching up and leaving scars.
However, there is such a thing as being in a toxic relationship, with someone who damages us. They can hurt us so deeply that we have a difficult time overcoming the pain and picking up the pieces to move forward. Trying to find our self again can be harder than we realized. Sometimes this can even go unnoticed for a period of time, because the toxic person slowly indoctrinated our mind and our thinking.
I know I am not alone in this. And I am no different than anyone else who has gone through it. I too ask myself, “How did I get in this mess?” and then the next logical question that follows is, “How do I get out of this mess?”
I have been researching for about 5 years now.
In fact it was through my research, that I met my last Mr. Chaos.
I was just getting out of a very toxic relationship, I discovered it very early and I got out in 5 months once I realized what this man was all about. I was perplexed as to how I could end up in yet anther relationship with a man who had the very same characteristics as my first husband. I had heard of narcissism but did not fully understand it.
Ironically, just being 3 months out of my relationship with the abusive narcissist, I met a man who was an author of a book claiming he was the victim of a female narcissist. He had a following of dozens of women who were pouring their heart out to him. They, just like me, believed that he was the good guy. Nothing could be farther from the truth. He was a monster in disguise of the perpetual victim. That makes it very tricky. For one thing, he has followers and people who believe what he wrote to be the truth – that he was Mr. Wonderful and his “Ashley” that he wrote about about was the narcissist.
After 4 and half years in a very strange relationship with this man I can truly and honestly say, that without a doubt he is a genius. He wrote a book claiming to be the victim of a narcissist, and guess who is at his fingertips? A whole bunch of broken and pre-primed empaths at his disposal. He doesn’t have to go looking for them, they are chasing him down! He is on dating websites plastering his books on narcissism, and getting girls to fall for him just as I did. However, I did not meet him on a dating website. I met him at a friends birthday party. And he was using her and taking advantage of her. She was 15 years older than him and was a widow, she thought he cared for her. He played me and her at the same time. He claimed to me that they were “just friends” she confirmed and added they were “friends with benefits” to where he would cringe when I pointed that out. Saying he never liked having sex with her and that she forced herself on him. Yet he was staying in her house. She was doing his laundry and providing a roof over his worthless head.
Then, through a series of events, she kicked him out and he was homeless again (he was living with his mother and his ex-girlfriend from 20 years ago at his ex’s house where they all reside in California), but had left there for a temporary stay with the older woman. All of this should have been a bright red flag to me. But instead, being the empath that I am, I offered up my help.
A few women were privy to his toxic ways and tried to send me emails and Facebook messages to warn me. But I refused to believe it. I believed he was being misjudged and that I knew him better than they did. (yes, I now see the folly in my thinking).
I will write another post to go deeper into this so that with any help from feedback, we can uncover the real problem, and discover what causes some people to reconnect with the same type of person over and over again. Because I am now 52 years old and I am tired of it. I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than to have another man who is toxic to me.
As I make new posts, and expose all the dirty skeletons in my closet, I am hoping to gain a following of readers who can help me gain more insight. I have come a long way, but I have not arrived.